military aviation jokes

A PETTY officer! All you have to do is remove the dirt.. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. 10. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 43. Flight Announcements 4. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. I was very nervous, she said. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Large mahogany desk.. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Chicago. Baltimore, said Dad. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Auld Lang Slice and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. It was sheer brilliance. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Me: No, I dont. Its a NO FLY zone! We have one or two in here! What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. The Marine said Are you crazy? San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Heres what they came up with: If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? But I am public affairs, I said. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. A drill serGENTLEMEN! 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? USA: Choppers A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. She also liked her scotch. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". It was PRIVATE. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! OHH OHOH! I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. 1. 5. Then one day I couldnt find it. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. ", 55. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Altitude is life insurance. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. This is really good, he said. Later, I spoke with Mom. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. No, we dont, she said. He nodded. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Thats my wifes breast pump.. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. It was sheer brilliance. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Attention! 1. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. 9. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Airmens mess, sir.. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Caller: Do you have his right number? 3. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Me: Hello? To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. The tenant shook her head. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. When Is Military Appreciation Month? On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Co-Pilot: What?!. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Because the Army needed heroes too. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. 3. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. 42. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. In-dough-structible A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. You can see why: It took the poor guy all day. Its where we park the helicopters.. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Pilots 5. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Takeoffs are optional. There are many branches of the military. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. He nodded. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 4. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. 2. 2. Eat up! Anecdotes 1. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. 12. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. How much noise can we make up here? After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Killed bin Laden. Aviation JOKES. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? USN: Helos Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. But yours is.. Nothing, she said. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. An airplane! The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Of course, he responded. 2. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Pizza de Resistance But something struck me as odd. The reason? 1. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. This site contains affiliate links. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. She told me she warships them. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. He finally comes dragging in at. 2. Looking for military boot camp jokes? The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Full Disclosure Here. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. They want their patients to see 20:20! Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy.

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