dirty golf quotes

With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Wash your balls. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. He couldnt stop puttzing around! The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. I am a Musician. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. My shaft is bent. They like cricket better. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Their fore-fathers! Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Fore! It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. 4. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. The means are as important as the ends. Or under. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. 4. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. 8. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. But you cant just forget not to think. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Enjoy! From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Do you share these funny golf jokes? This post may contain affiliate links. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. How the heck did that happen? Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. 6. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. 3. Such is the game. So, what are your thoughts? All of them. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Check it out now! My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Two rounds a day are plenty. First and foremost, you must have confidence. - Bobby Jones Drop some in the comments! P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. 5. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? 1. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Golf is a lot like life. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. 7. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Golf is like doing your taxes. Two, be your own person. The smile looks really good on you. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Wodehouse Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. All the fans are gone! Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Happy Gilmore. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! 1. but I can show you what is! After 18 holes I can barely walk. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Keep your sense of humor. Your email address will not be published. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. 3. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. ~ Victor Hugo. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Photo: Shutterstock. Golf Quotes About Life 22. I . Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Why dont skeletons play golf? The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Twelfth son of the Lama. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Wanna be my caddy? I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Jim Murray. 3. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. 3. ~ Sijin Bt. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. 19. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Man: Please dont go. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Lee Trevino, 59. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Try choking donw on the shaft. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? 3. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. What is a golfers favorite bird? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. Basketball is a sport for black men. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. And there are windmills. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. They have a hard drive. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. I was off to-day! I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). I'm pretty good with my short putts. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. I give the ball some sweet talk. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. One minute youre bleeding. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Its just really hard to play. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Funny Family Poems. Spread your legs a little more. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? . Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. We have a threesome, care to join us? Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Very interesting. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. I've got some good news. Their expectation, however, is very different. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. 2. Just tap it in. Bye Bye Birdie. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. It took one afternoon on the golf course.

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